The Ties That Bind
by midnighters
Summary: Bella doesn't accept Edward when he returns to Forks. This sets off a chain of events that will inextricably link her to Jacob and Edward - and the wolves to the vampires - forever. BellaxJacob. BellaxEdward.
1. Chapter 1

I didn't try to kill myself.

It was the truth and that's what I said to Alice. I could see she didn't believe me. Her golden eyes, once so familiar to me and now so alien once again, were hard and critical. Her beauty was shocking. It was bizarre for me to be stood in front of a vampire again, at least one that didn't want to kill me, and I found the failings of my human memory in every lock of jet black hair and the pristine curve of her marble cheekbones. I had failed to catalog their ethereal quality. I wondered briefly if my hallucination of Edward - a sharp pain shot through my chest, of course, at the mere thought of his name - had done justice to his perfection, but I doubted it.

I had to move away from those thoughts quickly, though (and gladly). Alice was still glaring at me. A statue. She was so still for so long, just the way I remembered her and Jasper in the hotel room all that time ago, that I wondered if this length of silence was a normal amount of time to a vampire or if she had simply forgotten to speak.

"I swear," I said in my most commanding voice (so, still only half as convincing as I'd hoped).

Alice remained still. I was about to start worrying when stone arms flew about my shoulders and crushed me up against the small vampire. I coughed pitifully.

"Alice…" I wheezed.

"Don't you _ever_ do that to me again," her commanding voice was substantially fiercer.

And in a blur, she was gone. I was suddenly alone, breathing again, in my kitchen.

Alone.

Again.

Alice.

Gone.

My breath turned to panicked gulps of air. No, this couldn't be. I couldn't have been abandoned again. Not by her, my friend. I thought she was my friend.

I moved all through the house, not sure if I was walking or sprinting. I searched every room. There was no trace of her. From my bedroom window, I saw Carlisle's car still parked across the street. Hope.

Now, I was sprinting.

"Alice!"

I had to find her before she left me again.

"Alice!"

I returned to the kitchen for a brief second before I flung myself out the door.

Alice was standing out in the yard, her back turned to me. At the sound of the door slamming and my labored breaths, she turned her head casually over her shoulder, revealing a cell phone pressed against her ear. She looked at me quizzically.

"Alice…" I sputtered.

"I don't get reception inside," she tilted the phone slightly toward me to emphasise her point. "I need to tell them you're not dead."

For a moment, everything was right with the world.


	2. Chapter 2

It was three weeks since Alice came and went.

I walked through the cafeteria making a natural beeline for our table - mine, Angela's, Eric's, Jessica's, Mike's. I didn't even look across to the other table. I couldn't say when I stopped doing that.

I took my place and joined the spectators of Tyler and Mike's horseplay. It was inspired again by a new student only this time it wasn't me. Thank God.

Jessica was making a point of looking disinterested. "What do you guys wanna do this weekend?" she cut into the conversation as if she didn't know it was happening. She was sullen and eager all at once as she looked at each of us, demanding responses. Her eyes only briefly met mine before they moved on.

"Um… What about the movies?" Eric offered, trying to help.

"I'm sick of going to the movies. What else can we do?"

"What else is there?" Tyler laughed and he and Mike returned to their jousting.

Jessica glared at the rest of us as if it were our fault. "Well, there's gotta be something."

"There's a band playing in Port Angeles," Angela informed the group timidly. "They're pretty cool. They do a few covers and original songs."

"Well, as long as they don't play indie music," Jess conceded.

"What's wrong with indie music?"

"Every song sounds the same!"

"Oh, unlike pop songs?"

I didn't mean to tune out. Really, I didn't. It felt more like the conversation was getting further away. Until I couldn't hear it. My eyes didn't feel like eyes, they felt like windows looking into someone else's life. I could watch but I couldn't touch anything. I couldn't interact. These moments - the zombie state - still happened from time to time. But they were growing less frequent and that was good. Right?

"So…" Angela was talking to me and only me. She woke me up. "This must be tough."

I honestly didn't follow. "What must be?"

She frowned and pulled back a little, eyes darting past my head for a split second. That was enough. She didn't know what to say but she'd already told me. I still didn't believe it as I turned my head to check and yet unsurprisingly, there it is, confirmed.

The Cullens were sitting at their usual table, in their usual seating arrangement of two couples and one lone boy. That boy was staring at me. The hole in my chest burned as if the wound were being cauterized and an ugly scar would remain forever.

* * *

It was the most excruciatingly awkward biology class since that very first one, over a year ago. Edward apparently knew all there was to know about cellular mitosis and spent the entire hour staring at me. I could feel it. Everywhere his gaze fell, my skin prickled with the most peculiar sensation, as if burnt so intensely yet so quickly that the nerve endings die before the pain sets in. So that all that was left was the cold.

The lesson passed at a glacial pace. I didn't once dare to turn my face and look at him. When the bell rang, I gathered my books as quickly as I could and left.

He followed me down the hall. I reached my locker, where I needed to stop, but I couldn't. I knew he would speak to me if I stopped. I carried on, all the way to the end of the corridor where there was a set of restrooms. I went into the girls' room, dropped my books down by the sink and breathed. I had to hold myself together.

"Bella."

My face shot up and saw him in the mirror. I spun around to face Edward and almost cursed.

"This is the girls' room," I said it as if it would make him evaporate.

"I know, I just need to talk to you," his tone almost made it sound rational.

"You can't be in here." I was backed up against the sinks, hands gripping desperately to the edge. "There could be girls in here."

"There isn't," he told me. He didn't even look at the stalls. Of course, he didn't need to.

I had been right before. I hadn't adequately remembered his beauty. He was breathtaking. Where I had remembered bronze hair and perfect lips as they would look in the most acclaimed paintings, here it was in front of me in the flesh. His eyes were dark, though. Haunted.

Our last encounter had been a moody one. Romantic, in the hopeless sort of way. On the edge of a forest in a misty town. The late afternoon light had painted everything gold. Now, under the harsh fluorescents, the stench of ammonia burned my nose and every surface, greasy from disinfectant sprays, still felt unclean.

He looked precisely like everything else in here. Marble. Cold. Clinical yet stained by past discrepancies. His proximity tore the edges of the hole in my chest wider. How had I found him so beautiful before? His beauty was crushing me.

"Bella, please," Edward pleaded. And yet at the same time, he wasn't pleading. I realized that. He expected that he could speak to me, would reason with me and bring me round to his way of thinking. We had always adhered to his way of thinking.

I did not want him near me. Not now. Not yet, at least.

"Please go," I said.

"Bella -"

"Go, Edward!" That was the first time I'd said his name out loud in months. It felt foreign on my tongue and I spat it out like poison. I stood my ground (my death grip on the sink the only thing keeping me upright) and stared him down. He would see that I meant it whether he wanted to or not.

His face fell an inch. Or perhaps I was merely seeing what I wanted to see. His eyes met his shoes. He was defeated. With speed fractionally faster than what a human could ever achieve, he turned and stormed out the door.

I was alone.

Again.

Thank God.


	3. Chapter 3

I pulled up outside Emily's house and realized I couldn't remember the drive at all. I had zoned out. (My mind on other things…) That's how ingrained the journey here now was, I could do it on autopilot. Just like traveling home.

Jacob emerged from the front door at the sound of my truck. He met me halfway and engulfed me in his huge arms. It was an iron grip that could choke you without meaning to, but I felt like I'd been let up for air. I felt like the sun was shining on me. I held on tight and let his warmth flow into me.

He was shirtless more often than not these days and my face pressing against his bare chest should've felt too familiar. But we'd always had this comfortable way of being around each other. It was never hard work.

I had missed him. It had only been three days but I'd truly missed him. Maybe it was just amplified by the fact that he might, almost probably, die.

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you find her?"

Jacob twisted a hand into my hair and buried his face in it. I thought maybe he kissed me.

"No," he said. "We think she must've taken off since the Cullens moved back into town."

I looked up at him wide-eyed. "You know about that?"

"Of course we do."

The rest of the pack were inside, with the addition of Quil. Emily was serving up pecan pie and cinnamon rolls. The wolves descended. At this table, nothing ever lasted for long. It made me think a birthday cake… gigantic and elegant. And with almost a dozen people in the room, almost no one could eat it and no one ever would. I wondered briefly, whatever happened to that cake?

"Hey, Bella!" someone greeted me. It was Embry. He was smiling at me. Quil was sitting next to him and I realized I hadn't seen him in months.

"Hey," I approached. "New recruit?"

I had meant it as a light-hearted joke. But the eyes around the table all glared at me like I'd stepped on someone's grave. All except Quil. He beamed.

"You got that right," his smile was an oasis in a sea of gloom. "Bona fide Pacman."

"Stop calling yourself Pacman," Paul huffed. "We're a pack and you're a wolf, not a man."

"We're both, Paul," Sam chided him gently. "We're still men."

I glanced, as so I rarely allowed myself to glance, at Emily's face. I knew it was the most important to Sam, this need to hold onto their humanity.

"Boy, then," Paul conceded with a bitter smile for Quil. "You're Pacboy."

"When did this happen?" I asked in a poor attempt to move the conversation along.

"'Bout the same time your besties came back," said Jared.

"Shut it, Jared," Jacob snarled.

A week ago, the pack had been a unit. Perfect and streamlined and coordinated better than any army could hope to be. I hadn't sensed this much tension between them since Jake first phased. All this was caused by _them_ , too. It was tragic to think they couldn't so much as exist in a place without destroying something good.

"They came back about three days ago," Sam informed me.

Three days. None of them had contacted me, not even Alice. They didn't think to warn me before they showed up at school. Even Charlie, if he knew Forks General's resident miracle-worker was back, had said nothing. For three days people had been laughing at me. That's how it felt.

"So the redhead leech is their problem now, right?"

"No, she's _our_ problem so long as she presents a threat to the area."

"Um... I kind of have to agree. I mean, why are we risking our lives for a mess they started?"

"Yeah, let them deal with it."

"It's not a risk. That bitch can't hurt us."

"Paul. Enough. This is serious and it's our responsibility. If she or any other vampire comes back, we'll handle it. Together. We're safer that way."

"Any vampire except a Cullen..."

The debate drew me in like quicksand. And the deeper I was pulled, the less I could breathe. My chest tightened. I didn't want to hear that name. I felt Jacob tug lightly on my arm. He asked, do you want to head outside? without words and answered, yes, silently. We made for the back door.

Jacob led me out into the open. I didn't know if it was his animal instincts that made him so in tune with my discomfort but I didn't think it was. He was simply a good friend, something I realized I hadn't known until I found him and as I followed him I heard Charlie's voice in my head, _you gotta learn to love what's good for you._

We sat on a fallen tree together and didn't notice or care when it started to rain. We talked about everything under the sun that wasn't vampires or wolves or certain, agonizing death. We laughed easily. I looked at a man with cut off hair in cut-off jeans and a tattoo over rippling muscles and what I saw was the sweet-natured boy who rebuilt bikes for me - an exorbitant use of his time and resources on my part - because he knew it would make me smile. And I had been right, for once, even with a head injury. He was beautiful.

I leaned in. I leaned in because I was running out of reasons not to. And he must have known I was going to kiss him because he pulled back, tilted his head down to keep his lips from my reach. I met his gaze with a confused stare. Isn't this what he wanted?

"You're still in love with him," he stated.

 _But he doesn't love me._

"But I'm here with you," I replied.

It took another moment of silence, and then he kissed me.


	4. Chapter 4

Jake's motorcycle rumbled into the parking lot and drew all eyes in its direction. I buried my face into the back of his shoulder, blushing.

He pulled up right at the foot of the steps. I dismounted as gracefully as I could while he stayed seated. I wrestled my brand new helmet into its bag. It was one of the best on the market, Charlie had made sure of that. He didn't approve of the bikes but, in his words, "if you're going to do it, just make sure you're being safe." It was a thinly veiled euphemism. Thinking back on it made my blush intensify.

"I'll pick you up after school?" Jake asked. "It'll take a little while to get over here from the res but if you're happy to wait?"

"Yeah, absolutely," I told him. "Now go, I don't want you to be late for school."

And then I kissed him goodbye. This wasn't just a peck-on-the-cheek, see-you-later, thanks-for-stopping-by kiss. This was a boyfriend-girlfriend kiss. _Boyfriend._ It was still so, so weird thinking of Jake as my boyfriend. But when we kissed, it felt natural. His lips were soft and perfectly shaped for mine. Our kisses weren't reserved like the ones I'd known before. We were open and upfront in our affections. No holding back.

Was this how love was supposed to be?

I pulled away while I still could, before I would want more. His smile was glorious and it was all for me. But then he put the bike in gear and rode off. Like a cloud moving in front of the sun. It was okay. I knew the sun was still there and it would come back. Of course, now I was alone and people were staring. Maybe holding back had its merits.

"Bella!" Angela and Jess gravitated toward me. They huddled around me like we were a group of girls. Ordinary girls. Talking about boys.

"So did you guys..." Jessica pulled a finger against the inside of her cheek to make a popping sound.

"Jess, gross!"

"What? It's been a month."

"Exactly. It's only been a month. Besides, it's none of our business," Angela said with a rye smile at me. They both craved details. It was awkward.

"Guys," would this blushing never end? "I just stayed over. It wasn't like that."

"Hmm." Neither of them were satisfied or convinced. But they were gracious enough to drop the subject as we walked inside. Jessica quickly took the helm of the conversation, which was now about shopping. This weekend. I wasn't explicitly invited because my invitation went without saying. It was just like that again now, like when I first got here. Something about me made them want me around. Everyone could see the change in me that dating Jacob made.

Everyone.

* * *

When I got to English Lit, something was wrong. Mr. Kruczynski was a Jack of all trades substitute and a fairly common sight in our classrooms when the teachers got sick. But standing next to him was Mr. Treverrow, the school principal. They waited patiently for us to file in and take our seats. We waited in an awkward silence.

"Morning, class," Mr. Treverrow greeted us. "I'm afraid it's not with good news that I've come to visit you today. Mr. Berty was reported missing over the weekend. We can't say if or when he'll return. In the meantime, Mr. Kruczynski here will be taking over the class. We -"

"Whoa, what happened?" a student blurted out.

"Was it in Seattle?" another asked feverishly.

The principal sighed and took a sidewards glance at Kruczynski. They both had that look about them, of people who didn't want to be here.

"From what we've been told," Mr. Treverrow started carefully. "He was last seen in the Seattle area."

The class burst into hushed, frantic chattering. I stayed frozen.

"We're not jumping to any conclusions," he said with hands raised, trying to calm the room. "Now, you're not children. I'm sure you're all aware of the situation in Seattle and it is deeply concerning to think someone from our town _might_ have been affected. But this is a serious and delicate matter and we don't have all the facts yet. For now, we only know that he's _missing_. I don't want to hear a word of unfounded gossip leaving this classroom. Understood?"

Everyone nodded that they understood. And by the time I got to the cafeteria that afternoon, everyone at school _knew_ that Mr. Berty was dead. He was the latest victim of a crazed serial killer. He'd walked the wrong way down the wrong street on the wrong side of town and got caught in the middle of gang warfare. His wife, the last person to have seen him alive, had taken the recent string of murders as her cue to finally rid herself of the pontifical oaf.

I sat in my usual seat and listened to the unusual theories. In spite of myself, I glanced over at their table. They weren't there.

* * *

The bell rang again. I didn't know it did that a second time; I didn't know what it was for. I had never stayed this late after school before. Most of the cars had left the parking lot in front of me, carrying students home. I waited, sheltered from the rain under the roof of the walkway, for Jacob to come and carry me away. I expected it would only take another five or ten minutes for him to arrive. I was happy enough using the time to listen to my iPod and collect my thoughts. Music was back in my life. It seemed preposterous to me now that I had ever abhorred the sound.

For over a year, I'd been surrounded by people with lightning-fast reflexes and extrasensory gifts. I'd grown accustomed to feeling inadequate. I had almost come to accept it. But even my feeble human senses warned me of a presence behind my back. A chill ran down my spine and I spun round. I clapped eyes on her, startled.

Alice was standing there in an ornate black dress with hands clasped in front, a picture of Gothic loveliness. She smiled at me and I wanted to run to her and hug her. I smiled back. I almost waved; would that be too much?

"Hey," I greeted her.

"Hi, Bella," her voice was like the tinkling of little silver bells. "You look really lovely in that."

 _That_ , I realized, could've referred to just about anything. Looking down, I remembered a summer shopping spree that felt like a lifetime ago and saw the jeans Alice had picked out for me. They were closer to my usual taste only they fit better. And the jacket I was wearing was equally good at looking good as it was at keeping out the cold. Unwittingly, I had put together in an entire outfit composed by Alice Cullen.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

I stared into the space between us. As much as I might have wanted, in my heart of hearts, to cross that distance, I felt something there; an unseen yet palpable boundary that kept me on one side and her on the other. I think she felt it, too.

"How's Charlie?"

It made sense that she'd ask that. Her reason for being at the house that night had apparently been to comfort Charlie following my untimely death. Exactly what part of coming home to find your dead daughter's former classmate lurking in the dark (having disappeared for months and magically reappearing on the day of the death) was supposed to be comforting (to a cop who dealt with more than his fair share of homicides), I didn't know. But Alice had her own version of things that made sense.

"He's good," I told her.

We were quiet and almost comfortable for awhile. It was clear she had something to say, something she'd specifically come here to say, but was struggling with it. I didn't give her an invitation. I didn't ask. I didn't need to.

"So... How are things with Jacob?" she fished.

I actually chuckled a little which was nice. "I'm sure Jessica can fill you in on the gossip."

"I don't want gossip, Bella. I want to hear it from you."

"Why?" I questioned. What could any of this matter to her now?

Alice pressed her lips into a line and frowned. It was a bizarre look on her. She was quiet for awhile and I couldn't bear to look at her. I couldn't tolerate this feeling of missing her when she was right in front of me. I turned my gaze to the empty parking lot.

"For the record, I thought it was really stupid. Leaving. I tried to talk him out of it."

 _Why do you keep following me?_ I asked of the pain I felt over him. _Why doesn't it end?_

I leaned more of my weight against the wall and tried to steady my breath, exhausted. If Alice was waiting for a response, she wouldn't get one. Speaking, feeling, living... I was tired. What strength I had left, I spent on appeasing others, to take the worry from their eyes. I had nothing left to give Alice.

"What I mean to say is, I know that he hurt you and I hate him for that so I'm not going to tell you not to hate him, too. But he's my brother. I love him." There was a pause and I knew she was deliberating how to word the next bit. "He's concerned about your safety."

"Is this your backhanded way of telling me to break up with Jacob?"

"We worry about you, that's all," she claimed. "You're always with the wolves now, I can't see your future."

"Then I guess you'll have to take it one day at a time like everyone else," I didn't mean to sound so bitter but it came out that way.

Remorseful, I turned back in time to see Alice was stung. And then she looked me over almost appraisingly, with a frown, as if she wasn't sure who I was. Then she turned and she was walking away.

I called after her, "Alice, wait." But she kept walking.

"What's going on in Seattle?"

She kept walking.

The sound of an engine purred in the distance and drew nearer. The roar of the motorcycle was soon close enough and loud enough to shatter the melodic thrum of the rain. Alice vanished just as Jacob pulled up.

"You okay?" he asked, catching the scent of a vampire.

"Yeah," I said casually as I climbed up onto the seat. "Absolutely."


	5. Chapter 5

We spent a warm, hazy afternoon in Jacob's garage. He was working on the engine of his dad's old lawnmower. I couldn't help with that (besides the fact I genuinely _couldn't_ help with that), I had too much paperwork to stew over. Dozens of sheets were organized meticulously on the floor around me. Certificates and letters of recommendation were kept pristine amidst the grime in clear plastic wallets. One of the forms in hand bore the name _University of Washington_ which at this point, I wasn't sure if I'd be filling out at all.

"You thought of a major yet?" Jake asked. It wasn't the first time I'd gotten that question but it was the first time he'd asked. Anyone else and I might have screamed.

"I was thinking about journalism," I told him and his actions paused.

"But you don't even write for the school paper."

I shot him a look. "Thanks, I'll be sure to put that at the top."

"I didn't mean it like that!" he chuckled. "It's just, you've never shown any interest in journalism."

"Well, I'd _like_ to major in English Lit but I can't do anything with that."

He continued fine-tuning a part of the engine - I wanted to say the carburetor but I wasn't sure lawnmowers even had carburetors - and then suggested, "You could teach."

"I don't want to teach, I want to read!" I whined like a petulant child. He laughed at me.

"Well, then how 'bout librarianism?"

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"That's a word!"

I laughed. No matter what was going on, Jacob could lure laughter out of me. Any day. And every now and then the sun would break through the clouds and land on me. I savored the feeling of warmth soaking into my skin. _We're like leaves,_ my mom used to tell me. _Only we don't turn the light into food, we turn it into happiness._ For a moment, my stress over the applications abated. I was somewhere between dawn and the sunrise. My future wasn't certain but I could sense it was bright and from here, I wasn't in a terrible rush to get to it. This moment was perfect.

Then Jacob brought me back to my other reality.

"What's everyone else got planned?" he managed to sound casual.

"Well, Jess is valedictorian and president of the school council so I think she's gonna major is world domination. Angela's looking into marine biology and Mike wants to study social sciences which his dad just doesn't get. Tyler already got a football scholarship at Pacific. And Eric wants to do journalism."

"So that's where you got the idea," he poked.

"Shut up, library boy."

We were quiet for a comfortable beat and then;

"And the Cullens?" he asked, then quickly added, "Sam's wondering. We're all hoping they leave town."

I honestly had no idea where the Cullens would go after graduation. For all I knew, Edward would be repeating another year as a high school freshman when he reached the next town. But something held me back from telling Jake that, so I just said, "I don't know but I'm sure it'll be somewhere expensive."

Jacob _psht_ -ed at that and worked ever more diligently on the mower. He was fixing it because Billy couldn't afford a new one.

* * *

I didn't say anything when I walked through the door. I waited to see if someone would call my name first. No one did.

"Dad?"

I walked through to the living room to find it dark and empty. A little red light blinked on the side cabinet and I sighed, then went over to it.

"Hey, Bells. It's me," Charlie's voice played on the machine. "I'm gonna be working late tonight so you go ahead and have dinner without me. If you need money, there's some in the jar. I'll try to be home before you go to bed."

The machine beeped to signal the end of the message. He sounded tired. The situation in Seattle was getting worse. By now, at least two missing persons reports were filed every day from within the city and the surrounding area. Charlie had known some of those cases would find their way onto his desk sooner or later. And now, over the past six nights, he'd only made it home in time to see me twice.

I headed to the kitchen and started raiding the cupboards. I knew exactly what to make for dinner: mac 'n' cheese with cut up pieces of hot dogs. It wasn't exactly my most refined specialty but it was heartening and one of Charlie's favorites for a bad day. I switched the radio on and turned the volume up.

Ordinarily, I enjoyed music as a private affair but the chattering in between tracks made the house less empty. This was how I prepared most meals now, with a soundtrack. Music was well and truly back in my life. I hadn't played _Clair de lune_ yet but it often got stuck in my head. I would get to it.

As the food baked, I busied myself with second guessing my earlier efforts with the forms until the timer buzzed. I did a quick taste test and nearly burnt my tongue. Something in the seasoning wasn't quite right but outside it was starting to drizzle and I wanted to get there before the downpour really kicked in. I shoveled the pasta into Tupperware boxes and fished out an old grocery bag, then carried it out to my truck.

The rain was torrential by the time I reached the station and I made a mad dash for the door. I made my way through, shaking droplets from my hair as officers greeted me, and soon arrived at his desk.

"Bella?" Charlie was instantly worried. "What's wrong?"

"Probably..." I held up the grocery bag. "Not enough salt."

* * *

We talked over dinner as if there weren't Missing Person posters scattered all around us. I asked if he was planning any fishing trips with Harry now that the weather was improving (slowly). Next weekend, he told me. He asked me how school and my college applications were going. I lied and said everything was going great. I knew I should mind my own business, but I reached for one of the posters with a twinge of familiarity.

"Do I know him?"

Charlie put down his fork. "You remember the Biers family across from the old bowling alley?"

"There was a bowling alley?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, uh... That actually was a long time ago. You used to play with their youngest, Lily."

I felt guilty but I could only vaguely recall. So many of my earliest memories of Forks had been abandoned along with the town. I nodded anyway to let him know to go on.

"Well, Riley here is her older brother and he's been missing for about..." he had to check the little flip calendar on his desk. He was losing track of the days. "Eight weeks now. And his parents are beside themselves."

He looked old beyond his years in that moment. He was tired of giving people bad news. He wanted to go fishing. But Charlie's problem was he knew bad things were happening, whether he could see them or not. And I knew he could never just go fishing until he felt he'd done his part. In the awkward lull that followed, I wondered how he'd cope once he retired.

"You know, we used to have a movie theatre," Charlie offered to break the silence. "Just the one screen but still pretty good. And the laundromat down on Hiller's Street used to be a karaoke bar."

"And they closed it down?" I asked in mock horror.

"Yep. And about a week later your mother left me."

He was joking. Charlie had a sense of humor but he never actively made jokes. I burst out laughing, stunned.

"You know, she's actually a lot better now."

"Really? Does she still sing _Delta Dawn_?"

I faltered then, uncomfortable. I remembered all the old photos of my mother on display when I arrived. Photos that had soon disappeared. Charlie was still in love with Renee. It was painful to see him harboring those feelings after so many years, after such rejection.

"Religiously," I answered him flatly.

Then we carried on eating in silence.

* * *

I left the station alone. It was dark, but not so late that Charlie could finish working. And it wasn't so late that he should worry so much about me getting home by myself. But I did what I could to reassure him. I tucked my latest can of pepper spray into my coat pocket (I "lost" the old one giving it to Jessica, to apologize for that night with the bikers) and carefully made my way down the steps. The rain had stopped but the ground was glistening wet. Street lights shattered on the asphalt into a sparkling display of yellows and whites. There two moons; one in the sky and one in a puddle at my feet. And among those beautiful things was Edward, standing next to his car.

I stopped dead and stared. Then took a step forward.

"My dad's inside," I warned him.

"I know," he said. "I hoped that might make you more comfortable."

In the past five weeks, we'd spoken only a handful of times. Bare minimum exchanges required to get through biology and English class without failing. Sometimes he regarded me with such distance in his eyes that it was like we were total strangers.

"What do you want?" I asked stiffly.

He was leaning against the Volvo with hands in his pockets and one ankle crossed over the other, as if completely at ease. But the set of his jaw was impossibly tense. And I think he'd put his hands in his pockets to hide a pair of fists.

"Alice had a vision of Victoria," he told me. "She's heading back to Forks."

That didn't come as a huge surprise. I had almost reached a point where it barely phased me at all. _Oh, a vampire's trying to kill me? Must be Tuesday._

"Alice could've told me herself, why didn't she?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you."

I didn't have any kind of snappy retort. All I came out with was, "Oh?" and then inwardly cringed.

"I owe you an apology," he began. "For everything I've put you through. I honestly thought I was protecting you by leaving. And I want you to know, I didn't know Victoria was here. I thought she'd come after me. I tried tracking her," he took an unnecessary breath to compose himself. "I guess I'm not as skilled a tracker as some."

"Okay," I curtly. "I believe you. Victoria's given the wolves the slip a bunch of times. She knows what she's doing."

"I'm not just apologizing for that," Edward cut in.

"So, what then?" I snapped, losing my patience. How much more did he want me to suffer?

His eyes held the same haunted quality as that first day he came back. "I'm sorry for leaving you. It was the worst decision of my life."

My cheeks burned. He must have seen it by now - because everyone must have been thinking about it, "Oh, Edward's back? Bella was really messed up over him" - the state I'd been in. I wasn't ashamed. I'd known real love and I'd been hurt. I'd decided I was no more ashamed of that than I was over my constant scrapes and bruises from falling over. But embarrassed? Yes. Embarrassed, I could feel.

"Well, I'm getting over it," I straighten up a little taller. "Jake's been really good to me."

His gaze fell to the ground. It looked like I might have actually hit a nerve. I fought off a twinge of remorse.

"So... Yeah. It's all fine. You don't have to feel guilty -"

"It's not guilt I feel, it's love."

My heart literally stopped. No, really. It hurt worse than I thought it should and I focused on suppressing a yelp. I could not have just heard that and I needed a response but I couldn't think of one and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole but he was still talking.

"I know I caused you pain. I'll never find words to express how deeply I regret that. But keeping you safe is the most important thing in the world to me, Bella. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong, I know that. But I don't feel guilty for trying.

"Leaving you was the worst mistake I ever made because I'm in love with you," he used that word again. "And now I don't think you'll ever forgive me."

Forgive. Regret. Important. Lo... These were all concepts that didn't exist between us anymore. Why was he doing this? I felt the need to double over and I'll never know what kept me standing straight. My head was spinning. I closed my eyes. This wasn't real.

"I won't insult you by asking your forgiveness. But I'm a masochist enough to hope," he finished and I opened my eyes to see his bitter smile.

He'd shut up now, apparently, at long last and far too late. I searched his face and his body language but he gave nothing away, no indication of his motive or what he hoped to achieve. I said the only thing my mind could think:

"You said you didn't love me."

"I lied."

I blinked. And the world was different.

My memories twisted into a new shape; those last words in the forest changed meaning. Everything over the past six months, every nightmare, every night waking up screaming, that hole in my chest, that pain, was all a lie? My heart was ripped out... over a lie?

I walked, numb, over to my truck, climbed in and drove off.


	6. Chapter 6

**_~ Edward ~_**

"... West Seattle High School has now closed, following another disappearance of a student, all of whom were last seen on school grounds. The surrounding area is under strict surveillance and parents are advised to keep their children at home for the time being.

"It's been reported that several audience members who traveled into the city for the recent Hornet's Nest concert have not yet returned home. The band has canceled all upcoming dates in the area.

"The bodies of Patrica James, a local store owner, and Roderick Berty, a schoolteacher from the nearby town of Forks, were recovered earlier today at separate locations, taking the total number of confirmed victims to seventeen. The Seattle Police Department has issued this statement:

"No two victims have been found together but the cause of death appears consistent. This is now believed to be the work of one or more serial murderers. We have increased block patrols and discourage anyone from traveling alone or after dark unless completely necessary. We urge everyone to stay vigilant and report any suspicious be -"

Carlisle muted the television but kept the channel playing. We all knew the story would repeat soon enough.

My family rarely took such interest in local news. The humdrum activities of human life were often trivial to us, even to Esme, who made the most effort out of all of us to fit in with society, and Carlisle, who did his best to preserve it. But here we were, all gathered 'round the screen for the 5 o'clock news. Taking an interest.

"It's getting worse," Esme plainly spoke what everyone - I knew for a fact - was thinking.

All around were somber expressions. No one wanted to speak for fear of making it real. Our anguish was not solely over the loss of human life but because each of us, deservedly or not, felt responsible. I, and only I deserved it.

Within hours of Alice's vision, Victoria had struck. A pair of hikers were dead (unconfirmed but certainly dead) and their disappearances fanned the growing flames of hysteria in Forks. What had started in Seattle was moving closer. It drew the attention of the media, the local law enforcement, and my family.

"You're certain Victoria is responsible?" Carlisle turned to Alice.

She shook her head slowly, gazing at the screen with a frown. "I can't be sure. She definitely only went as far as Seattle when we came back but... Whatever she's got planned, it involves the wolves; I can't see her, that must be why."

"The scale of the attacks isn't consistent with what a single vampire could do," Jasper observed.

"You're saying it's a group?" Esme - who had known more darkness in the human world than in ours - had to ask.

"I've seen this kind of behavior before. Uncoordinated, conspicuous slaughter. This is a coven of newborns."

"I had feared that," Carlisle admitted in a grave, quiet voice. "I'd hoped I was wrong."

"There must be a mature vampire behind this," Rosalie interjected. "A newborn wouldn't have the restraint to stop feeding."

"You're right."

Creating this many vampires all at once was unfathomably wrong and justly criminalized. A single newborn was hard enough to control, all but Emmett and Alice had seen that firsthand. Our enhanced abilities were at their most powerful, yes, but at the cost of a thirst more unslakable than we would ever again know. To see the world for the first time through such new, sharp eyes and wield the strength to tear it down. To pair the invincibility of youth with the indestructible nature of our bodies... They had no sense of self-preservation. They would feel no need to stop.

"It won't be long before the Volturi get involved," Rose feared, rightly so. We all did.

"Can you see them?" we kept asking Alice. It was unfair. My sister would close her eyes and focus on the paintings hanging in Carlisle's study. She would see flashes of them now in the present day or flashes of their victims. But she had never met them and that made it harder for her to pin them down, to seek out their decisions. She would tell us all she could tell; she did not sense their approach.

Suddenly, without choosing to picture her, I could see Victoria as clearly in my mind as if she were standing in front of me. She was running through the forest at top speed, a smear through a still life of green. I knew instinctively that what I envisioned was occurring right at this moment. She was running toward Forks.

There was only one way an image like that would enter my mind uninvited. I looked at Alice, and her expression confirmed it.

In an instant, I was halfway out the door.

"Edward, she's with them! She'll be fine!" Alice called after me either in her mind or out loud, I wasn't sure. It didn't matter.

I practically flew down our woodland driveway, pushing myself several feet through the air with each step. Soon enough, her thoughts were in range and getting louder. She was running directly toward me. It wasn't long before I caught a flash of red amidst the green.

Victoria charged right at me and I was more than happy to meet her head on. Blinded by determination, I lept. She acted on pure instinct rather than cognitive thought and at the last second removed herself from my reach. She drove all her momentum into a tree through a single kick, cracking the massive trunk and springing off in a new direction. I, on the other hand, went crashing face first into the ground. Rocks and fallen branches split apart as I came sliding to a halt. I recovered quickly. Back on my feet, I chased her thoughts through the woods. Her mind was a repetitive, almost cheerful sing-song. _Run, run, run, as fast as you can..._ She was doing it to annoy me and blast it, it worked. I ran all the faster. The song faded as the gush of the river grew louder. As I reached the canyon, I dug my heels into the ground. I didn't want to stop here. I glared seething into the trees on the opposite bank. She was in their territory. I listened helplessly as her thoughts drifted out of range.

I was left stranded. I searched desperately for a trace of her. It was no use. I was on one side; she had fled to the other. Bella was there, and the law of the wolves kept me from her. I half screamed in frustration and ran futile paces up and down the edge of the cliff, waiting to hear screams.

 _Why did you have to go there? Why did you go where I can't follow?_

I kept pacing. I was looking for a way across that I knew wouldn't be found. It was a realm I couldn't venture into and yet I needed to. Now.

 _Fuck it,_ I thought, ready to make the jump.

"Edward!"

My head whipped 'round at lightning speed to answer Alice's call. She was standing further up river on a jagged outcrop. Emmett and Jasper were with her, prepared as ever for a fight.

"This way!"

I followed them up river where the canyon narrowed. Distant thoughts came as whispers into my mind. The Quileutes. They were racing through their share of the forest and gaining on us. Soon we would all be in open territory.

A flash of silver went by with a furious snarl. A wolf, faster than any I'd seen, was giving chase to some phantom prey. Victoria's thoughts invaded my consciousness then with a touch of laughter. She actually found all this terribly amusing. I picked up the pace. She would not escape me again.

She led us north into the mountains past the beginnings of the river. We were all exposed now, vampires and werewolves, hunting a single adversary. The wolves were on our heels, all except this little grey one who sped ahead. I was bombarded by the shared noise of the pack, so much so it almost caused me to lose my footing. They did not appreciate our presence - mine and my siblings - but they were more concerned with the newcomer. At the time, that didn't register. Victoria wasn't new to them.

With the same unpredictable agility that had saved her from me, Victoria spun in the most peculiar way and the lead wolf took a blow to the ribs before the vampire disappeared. We all came to a juddering stop, confused. It had all happened too fast, even for us. Victoria was gone. I cursed.

The small grey wolf yelped with an involuntary shift of muscle and bone. It soon changed form and a frightened young girl was left kneeling in the dirt before us, long black hair falling across naked skin. From the confused and startled thoughts of the pack, I picked out that her name was Leah and she wasn't supposed to have phased.

Jasper, still a gentleman after all these years and despite all he'd gone through, moved closer and removed his coat to drape it around the girl. This aroused hateful snarls from the pack but he didn't step back. He knew better than any of us what she was feeling, and even I knew enough of her trauma.

In her mind, the images played out again and again. Her father, a man I knew to be a close friend of the Swans, was ripped apart in front of her by Victoria. The _witch_ had smiled at her and that was the trigger. Pure, unadulterated rage had shuddered through her with such intensity it tore her skin open and rearranged the shape of her bones.

Her father was dead. That was the only part of this situation she understood.


	7. Chapter 7

I had never seen the pack in such unmitigated distress.

They spent much of their time in wolf form, taking their anger out on the forest.

Jacob wouldn't smile for me. No matter how hard I tried.

Harry Clearwater's death was just as hard, I knew, on Charlie. We walked out the house side by side, dressed in black. He was wearing the only suit he owned and I realized this was a suit he kept specifically for funerals. My crisp, never-worn jumpsuit and jacket were yet more gifts of Alice's keen fashion sense. It felt almost like a betrayal to wear it, but nothing else I owned was appropriate.

"You look, um..." Charlie searched for the words. Couldn't find them. "Nice."

"Thanks," I said noncommittally.

My hair was slung across one shoulder in a loose braid and I realized I probably did look too nice. I could've just as easily been going to a job interview or on a date in this outfit. _Get it out of your head,_ I told myself. _No one's gonna be looking at you._

Exhaustion dug deep lines into Charlie's face. The constant circles under his eyes were getting darker. I knew he was eating enough - I was making sure of it. But he still seemed smaller somehow. I worried he was getting thinner. The way he was holding himself just wasn't the way he'd done so before. The pride he took in his work used to make him taller.

The official story was that Harry was mauled by a bear. When his daughter led police to his remains, they saw he'd been torn limb from limb. A bear was as likely a culprit as any. And I knew Charlie, together with other grieving, stoic men, would soon venture out into the woods with weapons made of useless metal and I had to bite my tongue - physically bite my tongue - to keep from telling him not to. I didn't want him chasing the bears that were real, let alone the ones fabricated to hide something worse.

The drive to La Push was quiet. I wanted to think of something deep and consoling to say to him but came up blank. I couldn't even muster anything to fill the silence. But then... If Angela or Emily had died, I wouldn't want him endlessly prattling on at me. I got that from him.

The sun was shining when we pulled up and mourners were loitering outside. Most of them I didn't recognize but a few I could name. Sue Clearwater stood at the door to perform her widowly duties, shaking hands and accepting graciously the condolences of people who went by. The younger woman - the younger image of Sue - was a sullen contrast next to her, refusing any touch. The boy on her other side smiled at everyone who went past, as if to offer them his support, not the other way round.

Jacob was standing next to his dad as we approached. He came over to me with a look of relief. I let him pull me into his arms and ran my fingers through the short crop of his hair. The word _hey_ melted into my neck. I closed my eyes and savored the heat of his breath, the warmth of his arms around me. It might've been wrong. But wasn't this, of all days, a day to cherish being alive?

"You look good," he said when he pulled away. He had borrowed one of his dad's old suits and it was visibly too small.

"Um, thanks. You, too."

The ceremony went by in a blur. It seemed a terribly short service to cover an entire life. I held Charlie's hand the whole way through.

"It's official," I heard Billy mutter to Charlie toward the end.

My father agreed quietly. "We've been to more funerals than weddings."

The wake was being held at the Clearwater house. It wasn't far to travel and soon we were all crammed in together, dozens of people whose only common ground in some cases was knowing the same dead person. I noticed Charlie standing in the living room with Billy and half a dozen others. One of them I knew to be another cop who'd joined them on fishing trips from time to time. They were talking heatedly. My heart sank. And just like that, Jake was at my side.

I slipped into his embrace like slipping on a favorite sweater in the winter. He held me and didn't pressure me to speak.

After a moment, I whispered, "I hate this," into his skin. "I hate lying to him."

"I know," he stroked my hair. "We'll find her before they even leave for the hunt. He'll be safe, I promise."

It was a promise he couldn't keep. Not for certain. But my strength was waning and I crumpled deeper into his hold, choosing to believe his happy lies. _This is the best I can do?_ At least I managed not to cry.

Jacob took my hand then and led me out the kitchen door.

In the backyard, the pack was gathered (in the loosest definition of the word). Each of them fidgetted in agitated, isolated movements. They were the individual pieces of a machine now torn apart. Limb from limb... Leah was with them now. She wore a simple grey dress that might have been her mother's and kept balling the fabric of the skirt in her fists. The look in her eyes was impossibly distant as she glared at the ground. Paul brushed past her. He shifted more than any of them, pacing back and forth wildly. He was trembling slightly. I realized somewhere in the back of my mind that he was pacing to keep the change at bay. Only Jacob stood perfectly still.

"So what do we do?" Paul demanded action, hotheaded as always.

"We increase patrols," Sam began laying down his laws in the calm and considered words of the alpha. "We won't risk being caught off guard again."

"Vampires don't sleep," Embry pointed out. "We're gonna run patrols day and night?"

"We'll take it in shifts. Paul, Jared, you'll patrol with me while the others are at school. Then switch. Nights will be more dangerous... I'll handle that."

"You can't go out there alone."

They kept speaking in this military fashion and the words were coming out before I realized.

"Should we really be talking about this today?" I asked out of respect.

"I don't know, Bella," the way Leah said my name chilled me to the bone. "Which do you think would be a better day to talk about it? The day before or the day after his funeral?"

"I only meant..." but I couldn't finish my excuse.

"Maybe you should take Bella home?" Quil suggested gently to Jacob.

I knew I wasn't the one who could argue so I looked at Jake and waited. He was furious, that much was obvious. I could see it bubbling beneath the surface. But he didn't speak so I couldn't tell if he was angry at them or at me.

"No, it's okay," I said briskly to spare everyone - including myself - further discomfort. "I'll get myself home."

I turned and left before anyone could disagree. I tracked down Charlie and explained as quickly as possible that I was leaving but he should stay. I almost literally ran into Emily on the way out. We exchanged the usual, overacted apologies then paused instead of dancing the awkward yet traditional side-stepping routine. We were still. And she was looking at me like she'd overheard every word when I knew she hadn't.

"It's tough," she nodded. "Being on the outside. And not being, at the same time."

I stared at her. It was rude. But I couldn't quite believe she'd put it into words. We weren't supposed to talk about our plight because it wasn't as great as others. But she had a point... This was a difficult place to be; somewhere between the magical world and the mundane.

I pulled her in for a hug. It was so unlike me but she was kind enough to put her arms around me and not make it weird. When we let go, we were "normal" again.

"Sorry for your loss," I recited. "He was your uncle, I think?"

"Once removed," Emily answered dutifully. "But yeah, he was a good guy. He's gonna be missed."

I nodded and offered her an apologetic smile. We said our goodbyes. She mentioned that my hair was "nice like that."

The journey was uncomfortable at best. We'd come to La Push in Charlie's cruiser so I had to take the bus back. It was another ten-minute walk to the house where I realized the keys for both my truck and the front door were inside. I managed to climb in through a window that'd been left open and pondered for a moment whether it was even all that dangerous (it wouldn't be any more effective at keeping out vampires if it were closed). I grabbed my keys and headed back out to the truck.

I almost couldn't remember the way. In fact, I probably didn't remember the way but the good thing about looking for a mansion in the middle of a forest was that there would likely only be one. I assumed. Even so, my poor coordination led me off the path a dozen times. At some points it was so unclear it even was a path, I thought I'd gotten lost yet again. The tires got stuck here and there but I was lucky enough to break free without too much trouble.

By the time I found the Cullen house, I was already exhausted. How the heck would I handle what was inside?

I knocked. And I thanked whatever unseen force it was that made Esme answer the door.

"Bella, what a lovely surprise," she smiled and invited me in.

I stepped inside. "Hi, Esme." Why was I mumbling? This was embarrassing, I shouldn't have come...

"Bella," Alice appeared with a small, happy smile. She approached from what I vaguely remembered was the living room. Of course, she recognized the clothes instantly. "You look -"

"Don't," I cut her off. "Please, don't."

Before I could feel any guiltier about looking good, Rosalie, in all her effortless glory, came down the stairs.

"Great," she said with a fake smile. "Now we'll never get rid of that smell."

"Rose, have some discretion," Esme chided then placed a hand on my shoulder. "How's Charlie?"

"Um, not great."

I didn't know how to elaborate and thankfully I didn't have to. Esme drew me in for a hug that was somehow much warmer than she actually felt. I'd missed her more than I realized. I tried not to dwell on the feeling. I pulled away and hesitated, looking around then turning to Alice. She knew what I was going to ask.

"No," she said. "The guys have all gone hunting."

"Lucky them," Rosalie shot me one last glare before walking off. She seemed to hate me more now than she had before. Or maybe I was just remembering it wrong.

Alice led me into the living room, sensing I needed to talk privately. It was an empty gesture since all other ears in the house could still hear us, but it was appreciated nonetheless. As we walked through, it dawned on me. This was the first time I'd been here (properly here, inside, invited) since my birthday. She'd sensed that, too, and deliberately chose a room where the party had _not_ taken place. Or maybe it wasn't deliberate... Maybe it didn't cross her mind at all.

"Alice, I need to know what you know about Seattle," I implored. "About Victoria. The guys are going nuts. They're gonna get themselves killed. Please?"

Alice turned to me and frowned. I kept inspiring that reaction in her. She seemed sympathetic but the way her gaze dropped to the floor meant she also seemed hurt. So that's what small talk was for? To convince someone you didn't just show up at their house unannounced to take what you needed and run? I should've made it seem like I came here to see her. But I'd been too busy telling myself this _wasn't_ all just an excuse to see her; my motives were pure, noble. Any pleasure I took from visiting the Cullens was an unfortunate side effect that Jacob - all the wolves - would simply have to forgive.

"We've been tracking the situation since it started," she finally spoke. "It's definitely not human. I just... can't tell if it's Victoria who's behind it. I know she's involved, I can feel it. I'm just not sure she's the one pulling all the strings. And I can never tell what she's going to do next."

I did a mental double take of what she just said and stared at her like I was waiting for the punchline.

"How is that possible?"

"I can't see the werewolves. They block the visions, I don't know how. I haven't been able to see your future in weeks."

I don't know why that hurt my feelings. It was a strange thing to get upset about. If anything, I should've been thrilled. I treasured my privacy more than my physical health. Being safe from Alice's prying third eye should've registered as a blessing. And yet all I could feel was that distance between us. My absence from her visions was a tangible way in which I was losing her as a friend. It meant the future I'd once fought for was well and truly lost and being faced with that stung. It was wrong, but this was the saddest I'd felt all day.

"Bella," his voice calling my name was still musical. It was just the song that had changed.

I looked up with dread to see Edward standing in the doorway. His hair was wilder from running and his eyes were burning topaz from having so recently fed. I'd grown so accustomed to his scowl I'd almost forgotten his smile. He seemed genuinely happy to see me. He was radiant.

In my peripheral view, Alice's head turned from me to her brother and back again.

"I'm going to excuse myself from the room now," she announced with a glowing smile.

My glare did nothing to change her mind. She made her way out in the direction from which he'd arrived. As she passed him, they shared a look; one of their private conversations. Something in the new slope of his grin gave it away. Anger flared in me. It felt like I was being ambushed, like they were working together to corner me. He drew nearer to me. He was literally breathtaking and I _hated_ him. Truly and furiously, if only for a moment. I wanted to spit on his perfection. I wanted to worship it.

"How are you?" He was in front of me now.

 _Broken. Exhausted. Conflicted. Please hold me._ "Fine."

We were quiet then and the silence screamed my secrets at him. I searched for something to say. His eyes were searching me. And they didn't drop any lower than my own gaze but I pulled my jacket closed across my chest all the same, feeling exposed under such intense scrutiny. A shiver of excitement went through me before I could stop it. He would've seen that. Hopefully, he would just think I was nervous.

"You're worried about Victoria," he stated. "We'll take care of it, I promise."

I believed him. It couldn't possibly be fair how easily I put my faith in this man. I didn't deserve to bend to his will or to want to. I wanted to stop. But his eyes were like molten amber and I was sinking blissfully into my destruction. I felt at the mercy of a force far stronger than myself. It was the most I could do to keep still and study his face. Maybe I was just imagining it but something told me he wanted to kiss me. I knew deep down that if he did, I would let him. And I knew, a truth buried even deeper, that it was not just because I couldn't physically stop him.

But then it all came flooding back.

"You promised it would be like you never existed," I blurted out. I could see in his eyes how deeply that cut him and I was angry enough to take pleasure in that as I marched away. "You lied."


	8. Chapter 8

The phone didn't stop ringing for days. It was a number I didn't know and after a while I thought it might've been Victoria. It rang once again as I sat at my computer and deleted (once again) what little I'd come up with for my admission essay. I couldn't keep wondering or worrying. I answered. I wasn't truly surprised when I heard his voice.

"Bella," Edward spoke, surprised and relieved. "Thank you. I was beginning to think you'd never answer."

"Still debating it," I said flatly.

He chuckled. I seethed.

"Well, while you're deciding, I have a proposition for you."

 _Don't ask. Don't rise to it. He's trying to bait you. You don't care. Don't ask._ "And what makes you think I'd be interested?" _You idiot._

"You came to the house looking for information," he breezed. "I have information."

"And?"

"I'm willing to share it with you," he spoke slowly like he was explaining something obvious to a dullard.

I scowled even though he couldn't see it.

"What's the catch?"

"I'd like to take you to dinner."

"No," I spoke coolly and hung up before he had a chance to respond. Adrenaline coursed through me and I almost couldn't stay seated. My heart pounded as I stared at the phone. That was so rude! I was kind of thrilled. But also a little disgusted. That was so rude, I wanted to call him back and apologize.

No. My numb fingers put the phone to one side. I wouldn't do that.

Jacob came running into my mind at wolf-speed at that moment. My twinge of guilt turned into full-blown remorse. I hadn't told him about my visit to the Cullen house. It's not like I'd had much chance! When he wasn't busy "patrolling" (hunting, more like) for Victoria and he wasn't busy taking care of Billy and he wasn't busy with school, he was apparently busy blowing me off. And now, if you counted our brief encounters in class, I'd spoken to Edward as many times this week as I had Jacob. Talking to him without Jake knowing felt like a betrayal. Of course, so did everything these days.

I grabbed the phone and dialed.

"I'm sorry, I'm far too busy being a model student to talk right now," Jessica was supposed to be in the library all day - and I think she was - but that didn't stop her from answering her cell.

"Edward Cullen just called me."

I could actually hear her drop her pen.

"Tell. Me. Everything." You know that quality in a person's voice when they speak through a smile? She had that.

I laughed. "Well, there's not much to tell. He asked me to dinner."

There was a noise then that sounded almost like a cackle.

"After what he put you through, he should buy you the restaurant."

I grinned and laughed uneasily, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.

"I know I should tell Jacob, I'm just not sure how he'd react."

"Your ex-boyfriend just asked you out on a date. How do you think he's gonna react?"

"It's not a date," I started to argue but had to trail off. I couldn't exactly tell her, "he just wants to talk to me about the brewing vampire war."

"If there's a full meal and he's paying, it's a date," Jess was always happy to educate me on sexual politics. "So are you gonna go?"

"No." I said it too quickly. "No."

"Alright..." She raised her eyebrow at me, I could hear it!

I obviously wasn't going to convince her and my skin was getting tight talking about myself. With Angela, I might have shifted focus toward colleges and then careers until she forgot why I called. With Jessica, I changed the subject with a simple, "so what's new?"

 _"Well,"_ and you knew from the way she said "well" that this would be - as she called it - juicy. I leaned back. "Tyler asked me out again this weekend and I'm like, you are _not_ going to get into something right before we leave. He's obviously just trying to capitalize on the existential dread inherent in these big, transitional life events to get laid before we conveniently never see each other again. I mean, come on. I got a 1510 on the SATs, you think I'm gonna fall for..."

I breathed easy as I listened to her diatribe. With Jess, everything was drama. But it was normal, human drama.

* * *

The whole drive into town, I felt clammy. My hands were slippery on the wheel and one after the other, I rubbed them on my thighs to dry them off. It was gross and I kept stealing downward glances to check for stains. I couldn't see anything but he could... I kept sniffing, paranoid, and pulled a handful of hair to my nose. Strawberry. That was somewhat comforting. There was nothing amiss as far as I could detect. But my senses were horribly inferior and - _honk!_ \- I hit the steering wheel with my gross, sweaty palm, sick of feeling inferior, and accidentally honked the old woman waiting to cross the street. Her scowl could melt a swan ice sculpture.

"Sorry!" I called out. She wasn't appeased.

I pulled up outside the restaurant and checked my watch. I was late by accident. But maybe I should let him think it was on purpose. I stayed in the truck a few more minutes, trying to calm my overactive nerves and subsequent human functions. In the end, putting it off was only making it worse and I got out.

I walked into a room filled with families, coworkers and couples. It wasn't challenging to find the blaze of bronze among the dull array of mere mortals. He was already looking at me. He would've known the moment I walked in. He would've smelled me. I shuddered.

"Bella," he smiled as I approached and stood the way men used to do for women.

"Sorry I'm late," I cringed inwardly.

 _You never apologize first, if at all,_ I remembered one of Jessica's lectures. _As soon as you admit fault, you've lost your power._

"No, not at all. I hope you don't mind, I ordered for you. Mushroom ravioli," he smiled, remembering.

That sounded freaking delicious.

"I would've preferred something else," I said stubbornly and sat down.

"Oh? I can call her back..."

"No, it's not their fault." I played with my napkin because I didn't have a menu to stare at. I supposed having our order already placed would help speed this dinner along but I still refused to thank him. For power's sake.

"Thank you for agreeing to this," he said with a smile.

"What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Edward's eyes flickered downward, growing shadowy once again. The set of his jaw changed minutely. Perhaps because he was a vampire or perhaps that's just who he was, But I wondered if the changes were perceivable to any other human in the room. He looked back up.

"My family and I have already accepted responsibility for the situation and we're going to handle it," he was all business now. "If the wolves insist on getting involved, we're willing to work with them."

"You could've said that over the phone."

"Yes, but you wouldn't have agreed to dinner," one lopsided grin and the "all business Edward" was gone.

I rolled my eyes and fought off a smile. I looked down at my napkin. Our silence consumed the whole restaurant. I couldn't hear anything or anyone around me. All I could feel was his eyes on me, making me fidget and blush. I couldn't cope with silences. When no one was talking, it was harder to keep from blurting out the truth.

"What did you think I would do? If you'd let me keep thinking you" - brace for impact - "loved me? If you had just explained you were leaving and left? It's not like I could follow you if you didn't want."

My eyes burned when I looked up at him. They could've been tears of any kind but I chose to believe they were of hate and I held them back regardless. I couldn't let him see him for the weakling I was. I had to look angry. He'd gone from being someone honest who didn't love me to someone who loved me but lied. I wasn't sure which was worse.

"I wanted to give you a fresh start," his voice was steady. "I thought if you knew my true feelings for you, a part of you would always be waiting for me to come back."

I scowled but couldn't argue with him. It's not like he was wrong.

"I wanted to give you a chance at moving on with your life. To meet someone else and go to college, have children, a home. A real home." His eyes dropped and then his voice was barely above a whisper. "Bella, this is it for me. I know I'm supposed to be older than you and wiser, and in some ways I am. But I'm also genuinely seventeen; I can be a prize idiot. And I'm trapped like this. I can't move forward."

He looked up at me then and his eyes were darker than I'd ever known. Behind them was the weight of almost one hundred years of regrets.

"It's not a life I'd want for you, Bella. You could have so much more."

"One Ceasar salad. And one mushroom ravioli," the waitress announced proudly as she placed the dish down in front of me. "Hey, you alright, sweetie?"

She put a gentle hand on my shoulder and looked down at me with concern. I quickly snapped out of it.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I brushed my cheeks. They were wet. "This looks great, thanks."

My smile was convincing enough to send her away. And when it was just the two of us again, the atmosphere had changed.

"The vampires in Seattle aren't like James or Victoria," Edward went back to all business while I started shoveling pasta. It was too hot and seared the roof of my mouth and I wanted to spit it out but I couldn't lose face so I just sat there with my lips in a tight line as he continued. "They're newborn. That's why they're killing so conspicuously."

"Wait, you're saying..." I almost choked on the food. I took some deep breaths and a sip of water and coughed. "They're new vampires?"

"Just a few months old," he confirmed.

"How does that affect things?"

"It means they're a great deal stronger and in far less control of themselves. They're unpredictable. And the way they've been created is illegal."

"Illegal?"

"In our world," he clarified. "We have royalty of sorts who enforce the laws that keep us hidden, ensure our safety."

I was catching on fast. "If they find out..."

"They'll come here," Edward finished with a nod. "We need to avoid that if possible. Which means cleaning up this mess sooner rather than later."

"What will they do to the wolves?" I asked with a sudden chill running down my spine. "This royal family, if they come here?"

Edward sighed, which must've been an entirely unnatural action for him. He was used to blending in with humans and sighing like that was something you did when you had bad news.

"They'll kill them."

My stomach dropped. The cold sweat that had plagued me all the way here came back with a vengeance. I thought of Jacob. Not the Jacob he was now, but the one before. The skinny one with long hair I used to sit with in an old garage and fix bikes. The one who was sort of beautiful and whose smile I hadn't seen in too long. I wished he wasn't a werewolf and I wished I wasn't "vampire girl." I wished we could go back to that time when he was safe from all this.

"They'll probably kill you, too."

Edward's voice brought me back to reality. I stared at him and then realized out loud, "because I know." I hadn't even thought what would happen to me.

"So how do we deal with the newborns?" I asked, all business.

Edward was way ahead of me. "We need a new alliance with the wolves. Beyond the outlines of the treaty. We're not sure what numbers we're up against but we don't expect the odds will favor us. If the pack were to agree to help, it could tip the scales. But it means fighting together. Outside of our territories."

I knew enough about the history of these two families to know the weight of Edward's words. And how serious the situation must be for them to suggest this. I imagined taking the proposal back to the wolves. Indignation would be their best response. Bursting out of their skin, across the forest, and into Cullen land for "target practice" would be maybe second from worst. I frowned. There was something about all this, besides the imminent, life-threatening danger to all my friends, that was bugging me.

"This is for Sam and Carlisle to figure out..."

That crooked grin made another appearance and he shrugged in feigned innocence. Of course, this had all been a ploy to get me here. My emotional energy was too depleted to be angry. Instead, I returned to my meal with a tongue that could no longer taste anything. I ate because it was food and I was hungry. And because I was already here and what difference would it make?

We talked casually for awhile. We got onto the subject of colleges and where I would go once I could leave Forks. When I mentioned my struggle with choosing an essay topic, he offered his help. He had written quite a few himself, after all.

"Which fields of study attract you?"

I paused before anger could flare and considered his choice of words. It was a different, more delicate way of asking, "have you picked a major yet?" It released me from the burden of knowing what to do with the next forty years and drew into focus the need for learning to appeal to the student. It wouldn't be my job to explain to my professors why "this subject is worth dedicating my life to." It would be their job to convince me.

I bit my lip, suddenly nervous. Almost embarrassed. "Um... English Lit," I blushed. "I know I can't do anything with it, it's just an option..."

"You can do anything you set your mind to," he said immediately and sincerely.

I looked up at him shyly. Topaz eyes burned into me with an unwavering gaze.

"I'm done underestimating you, Bella."

When the waitress came to check on us, my plate was empty and Edward asked to have his untouched salad wrapped up. He'd give it to someone who actually needed to eat. I turned down a dessert and he asked for the check. I remembered Jessica's warning. _If there's a full meal and he's paying, it's a date._

"Let get my purse," I said and started rummaging in my coat pocket.

"Nonsense. I invited you, I'll pay."

"No, I want to pay my half."

"Bella, it's no trouble -"

"No."

It was icy and sharp and drew the attention of the next table.

Edward hesitated and then turned to the poor waitress. "We'll split the bill, thank you."

There was an awkward, unending minute of getting the bill sorted and then we were alone.

"Did I do something wrong?" Edward asked. His posture was entirely different now. He was smaller, the way Charlie was getting smaller, and seemed genuinely hurt.

I racked my brain for an excuse. "I'm just trying to get used to paying my own way. You know, with college coming up. I want to start acting like a real grown up."

He didn't look remotely convinced but agreed, nodding. "No, that's good," he didn't even look at me as he spoke. "Good for you."

We exchanged a few more rounds of chit-chat until it became appropriate to leave. I caught the glances of other patrons as we walked out. We'd probably be recognized by at least some, given who our fathers were, and I'd just gone and made a darn scene. I hurried out a little faster and of course, Edward effortlessly kept pace. Outside, I turned to him for the awkward goodbye.

"Would you allow me to follow you home?" he asked. "To make sure you get there safe."

I said, "I can just call you when I get there," when I should've said, "No, it's none of your concern."

"I really think it would be best, all things considered," he insisted, reminding me of reality. "Please?"

"Um... Sure."

And so he walked me to my truck. And in the time it took to back out of the space, he was in his Volvo, pulling up alongside, ready to escort me home.

The drive was more than a little weird. I kept checking the mirror to see his headlights behind me. Something about his presence put me at ease. But making the drive "together" and not being able to talk was so bizarre. I wished we could've both traveled in his car. I shook my head quickly. _No_ _,_ I told myself. _You wish he wasn't following you at all._

When I pulled up at the house, I thought he'd drive on by but he parked at the bottom of the lawn and got out.

"Well, here we are," I said as he walked over to me. I wasn't in any way sure what to do with myself.

He said nothing. His eyes bored into me. When he reached me, he took my hand and brought it to his lips. His kiss was like the first touch of cold in the winter and sent electricity all through my skin. Tiny hairs stood on edge. My stomach was doing flips. My mouth was suddenly dry and my tongue was still fuzzy from when I burned it and I almost told him about it but that would be weird.

"Thank you for a wonderful evening."

He gave me back my hand with a smile and walked back to his car. I stood dumbstruck like some silly little girl and watched him drive off.

That night, I put on fresh pyjamas and climbed into bed with my favorite book. I used the bedside lamp rather than the ceiling light because it had a warmer tone that was better for reading and looked good on my skin. Heathcliff raised himself from abused servant to wealthy landowner in the time I kept myself awake. By 2 am, it was really getting chilly and I had to close the window. I couldn't admit to myself that I'd been waiting. Instead, I acted like "a real grown up" and climbed into bed, pulled the covers all the way up over my head, and drifted into a restless, guilt-ridden sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Jake slammed me down onto the hood of an old car in the garage. The weight of his body had me pinned. His hands caught my wrists and held them over my head. The heat searing through his skin was more intense than usual, almost blistering mine, threatening with every touch to consume me.

Our lips didn't part for an instant. When his hands moved down to explore more of me, I grabbed little fistfuls of his hair (it was getting longer now; I liked it) and held his mouth to me. I would never let him leave. My capacity for hunger and greed seem to deepen with every inch of my body he searched. A hand slipped under my shirt and I arched my back to surrender to his touch. His heat poured into me and burned away every unwanted thought, every unwarranted scar.

He tore away from my kiss and sank his teeth into my throat. It only grazed, of course; he never broke the skin. Still, electricity coursed through me with a thrilling mix of terror and lust. My legs wrapped themselves around his hips as he scattered kisses up my neck. He nipped my earlobe and I shuddered. The fingertips on my breast clawed at the edges of my bra, itching to tear the fabric out of his way.

I gasped for air. "This is getting a little..."

"Yeah..." Jake breathed into my neck. "Do you wanna stop?"

My legs tightened their grip on his waist and I shut his mouth with another kiss. He was little more hesitant but his hand took the hint. Beneath my palm, I felt the muscles of his bicep ripple with the effort to be delicate. His fingers slipped under the lace and brushed over my nipple with a deliriously light touch.

"Jake! Time to go!"

Jared - at least, I think it was Jared - was at the garage door. I hid my face in Jake's neck until he was gone. I could feel myself blushing but with my skin so flushed already, it probably didn't matter.

We untangled our bodies and looked into each other's eyes. After a moment, the giggles escaped us but we settled in comfortable silence. Jake helped me up off the car. Something had been digging into my back and already it was getting sore. My hair was clinging to the back of my neck. All over, I was sticky with sweat.

"This is sure to give off the right impression," I laughed.

Jake pulled me into his arms with a reassuring squeeze and kissed my forehead. "You smell like a werewolf. No one will notice."

I smiled up at him. His eyes were full of softness and warmth, admiration, maybe even love (that dreaded force), and they poured it all down on me. My heart beat a little stronger. I wasn't afraid of him. He was my Jake right now. I wished we could've stayed here forever.

We walked out of the garage hand in hand. A pack of wolves was waiting. They turned their backs to us as we emerged and headed into the forest. They were already in wolf form? I turned to Jacob, expecting him to change. It would take them minutes, maybe just seconds to reach the meeting place: the border at the center of the woods. My mood dropped. I'd never keep up...

Jake lifted my chin and winked. He turned around and crouched down. My smile returned and I still had to jump a little to climb onto his back. His hands hooked under my thighs and I crossed my arms over his chest, holding on for dear life instinctively. He took off at a steady sprint. In an instant, we were surrounded by green, tearing through the forest at faster-than-human yet still tolerable speed. My laughter bounced off the trees.

We came to a stop just shy of a small clearing, hidden from view on higher ground. Through the tree trunks around us, I could just about out spot the rest of the pack, surprisingly well camouflaged. They were still waiting, growing impatient. Jake pulled off his shirt in one smooth motion and dropped it to one side. His hands went to his jeans next and stole every ounce of my attention. He kicked off his boots and slid his pants down his legs. They were strong legs, perfectly toned, the skin a beautiful copper. I couldn't keep myself from moving closer to him. My thumbs traced the waistband of his shorts.

"Do you really have to phase?"

We shared another long, deep kiss. His hand cupped the back of my neck as his tongue danced with mine. And then without warning or permission, he ripped himself from my grasp.

"Alpha's orders," he said, pulling away and taking a good few steps back. "Plus, I need to be ready to protect you."

"I don't need protecting." He shot down my defiant act with a look. "At least, not from them. You're gonna have to trust them for this to work."

"The deal isn't to trust them."

With that, his body shuddered and erupted with fur. I'd never watched him phase whilst actually knowing what was going on. It was a stunning sight. Power swelled from deep inside him and came rushing forward, transforming him into a beast that could handle such strength. Its fur, the same russet shade as the boy's skin, was longer now than when I'd seen it last and as it caught the light streaming down through the canopy, as he stood so tall on the mossy rocks, he looked positively regal.

The pack was whole now and ready. Together, with slow and purposeful steps, they moved forward. I followed suit, fumbling my way down the hill. Spread out beneath us was a small open space amidst the trees. There, the Cullens were waiting. As one, their eyes all shifted to me. Confusion furrowed their brows and they exchanged questioning glances. They scanned the pack again, realizing now that not one of them was in human form. Alice was the only creature here who seemed remotely happy.

"Bella!" she bounded over to me. Turns out, that invisible line wasn't exclusive to us and the moment she crossed it, vicious snarls escaped from the animals nearby. Like lightning, she shifted into a defensive posture, staring down the wolf (Paul, of course it was Paul) like nothing else existed. The tension almost crackled through the air between them and I stepped forward, blocking their line of sight.

"Guys, come on," I urged, disturbed by how quickly things had changed.

I watched Paul back down with the shadow of a black wolf in my peripheral and then turned to Alice. As if nothing had happened, she was all sunshine and smiles and pulled me in for a hug. Her vice-like grip was cool and, though it crushed my lungs a little, refreshing.

"You smell awful," she whispered cheerfully in my ear.

There was another snarl as I held her for perhaps a moment too long. As I pulled back, I caught a glimpse of her smug expression, pointed at them, before it disappeared and she turned her attention to me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm..." - what would you call it? - "a liaison, of sorts. I'm here to liaise."

"Oh, how cute! They don't trust us."

Alice skipped back to her family, playing up the innocence of her appearance as if to mock the wolves' caution. Somehow, it only made her look more lethal. I saw Esme share a troubled glance with her husband while her undead brood exchanged hushed comments too quiet or quick for me to hear. Whatever it was, it sounded indignant. Once everyone assumed their positions, I approached Carlisle with Jake on one side and Sam on the other.

"Bella," Carlisle greeted me with a gracious smile.

I smiled back wholeheartedly. "Hi, Carlisle."

This was the first time I'd seen him since he stitched up my arm. The phrase "a lifetime ago" fit perfectly; it felt like a whole other life, a past self. He, on the other hand, looked exactly the same.

"Sam," he addressed the black wolf with a respectful nod. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us. And..." Carlisle didn't know this brown wolf.

"Jacob," I introduced.

I caught a flash of recognition in Carlisle's eye. He must have heard enough stories by now. And now that I was looking closer, I thought I saw a hint of... disappointment? Sadness, perhaps, to see the pack on such high alert. Carlisle didn't deserve to be mistrusted. He was the best person I knew. I felt like we were insulting him to approach like this, with bodyguards flanking me. He was a doctor, for crying out loud! He would never hurt me.

"If they really feel we're this much of a threat, they shouldn't have brought you," Edward offered his ever-helpful criticism. "I can interpret for them."

Growls erupted from the wolves at my sides. I would've growled with them if I could but I had to settle for glaring at him.

"They don't like that idea."

"Come on, Edward. Play nice. They had to give her something to do," Rosalie, of course it was Rosalie, interjected. "What else does she contribute besides causing this whole mess?"

Esme shushed her more wayward daughter as if it would put the words back in her perfect mouth. Or make them less true. I wasn't linked up with the pack (even Edward, a natural enemy, was closer to them in that respect than me) but I could swear I heard them laughing in my head. To think he heard it, too, only compounded my humiliation. I focused on steadying my breath and keeping my hands from shaking. I went over the speech in my head and changed the order, bringing my part to the front when I probably shouldn't. It was dumb pride, I knew. But I needed to feel crucial.

"My dad is in close contact with the Seattle Police Department. He'll have access to everything they know about the pattern of the attacks, the locations, as well as the schedule for their patrols. I know how to get to his files at the station. It could help you find the newborns and avoid getting noticed yourselves."

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "There's no need to put yourself at risk."

"There's a lot more at stake than me getting grounded."

This felt really good... I'd always hated speaking in front of people but my voice was so steady right now and almost carried. I was sort of buzzing off it. Not that I liked what was going on, but talking about how to fix it, being part of the solution... It felt right.

Now, I had to do what I was brought here to do. Speak for them.

"The pack has agreed to work with you on the condition that you leave Forks."

The reactions were immediate, confused and hurt. Rose was especially perturbed. So much so, Emmett had to hold her back. I could feel a pair of eyes boring into me and I turned my attention to Alice to avoid them. She returned my gaze with a pained look. Truthfully, my own heart sank a little, too.

"Very well," Carlisle didn't contest their wishes.

I nodded and swallowed my sadness. I had to go on.

"They also want the terms of the treaty to extend to any area you move into while you're working together. Basically means the no biting or feeding rule, no killing humans outside of Forks."

"Like we were planning on doing that anyway," Rosalie sniped.

"Rose!"

"Of course," Carlisle agreed.

Ever so lightly, Jake nudged me. It was a show of encouragement and I stole a glance at his wolf's eyes, brimming with pride. I was doing well.

"Okay. So, lastly," I tried to remember word for word the speech Sam had given me to say. This final piece was crucial and I wanted to channel the authoritative air he'd so naturally given off when he said it. "They won't risk more lives and they can't take wolf form in public. We need to devise a battle plan that draws the newborns out of the city. The fight needs to be as inconspicuous as possible. For that to work, we need you to tell us everything you know about newborns, what makes them different, and ideally, we need their exact number."

I looked to Alice, pouring all my faith into her gift, and she nodded. No matter how the wolves' magic interfered, we couldn't afford for her to let us down. Thinking back on it, I wasn't sure when I started using the word "we."

Carlisle looked at Jasper then and for some reason seemed to defer to him. They switched places as Jake and Sam started moving away, shepherding me with them. I knew my part was over and I fought off the twinge of disappointment. I'd done what I could and didn't mess it up, that should be enough.

Jasper's southern drawl filled the area in a way I doubted my voice had. "A newborn vampire is the most dangerous creature on the planet. Firstly because the blood of their human body fuses with their muscles, giving them untold strength, and secondly because their thirst is unrelenting and excruciating. A mature vampire can comfortably go two weeks without feeding; your average newborn can last about two days. There's also no telling what enhanced abilities some of them may possess."

Jacob and Sam rejoined the ranks, completing a unit that I was no part of. I merely drifted off to the side and sat on a log.

"When confronted, they act entirely on instinct. And they won't stop until their opponent is destroyed. The key to taking down a newborn is to catch them by surprise. Do _not_ let them anticipate your next move. Now, with the help of my lovely assistant" - Alice, armed with a wicked grin, stepped forward - "We'll demonstrate some of the better techniques for dealing with newborns if you don't want your spine ripped out through your throat."

The stupid log was damp! I sat miserably as moisture seeped into my jeans. _I could fight if they gave me a chance._ But in truth, I was useless, forgotten and ignored.

"Let's begin."


	10. Chapter 10

A bug crawled over my shoe. I was supposed to be listening in on all the excitement, but fighting this bug with the tip of my shoelace became my whole world.

We'd been here for hours. Four years of history class and I had no idea there were so many different ways to wage war. And yet somehow, Jasper still had more to share. At first, it was fascinating. So much so, it distracted me from my self-pity. I mean, I certainly found less reason to feel sorry for myself when I cottoned on that Jasper was speaking from extremely personal experience. I'd never heard his story, not like Esme's or Carlisle's or... I felt guilty. If they died, I wouldn't have known half of them. And as the sun started dipping lower into the canopy, all the war stories did was remind me how much I would _not_ be part of this battle. I would be of no help at all.

At last, they started wrapping up for the day.

As Jasper led the wolves through one final technique, I felt him approach. I brushed the bug away.

"What do you want?"

Edward sighed like he was tired of my attitude. Like he had a right to be tired of my attitude! I refused to meet his gaze as he spoke.

"It must have taken a lot of convincing to get them to agree to this. And judging by a few..." His pause baited me and I stole an upward glance. He was looking at the wolves. "Colorful remarks, I take it it's you who's responsible for that. I wanted to thank you. On behalf of my family."

"I didn't do it for you," I muttered as I gazed across the clearing at Jacob.

It was hardly my doing at all. What it really boiled down to was the alpha. Sam was a considerate, clear-headed leader who was deeply proud of his heritage but not himself. Ego didn't play a part in his decisions. It had been easy enough to reason with him. If they'd let the Cullens go to Seattle alone and die, they and everyone at the res would soon be caught between a coven of raging newborns and an ancient family of vampires, with no allies left to help them. If someone like Paul had been alpha, it would've been an impossible task to get him to see the big picture. I did very little really.

"He's quite taken with you," Edward said and I knew he was following my gaze.

"I know."

"And you?" He questioned, earning a sharp glare. He raised his hands like he meant no harm. "I only ask for his sake. I've heard it's quite painful being a rebound."

"Don't flatter yourself." I rose and began storming away. Of course, he followed me.

"So he knows, then? Where the information came from? Which Cullen you went to dinner with?"

I stopped dead. Just having him near me had me seething. But I was filled with a new confidence as I turned to shoot him down. "Yeah, he does. Notice how I'm still alive? Funny, the mention of your name didn't send him flying into a vicious rage." (In truth, Jake had been hideously angry for days but that was beside the point.) "Now, is that because you could be _wrong_ about something for once? Maybe the wolves don't pose as much threat to human life as say, a wholesome group of vampires gathered round for a birthday treat? Or is it because _you_ are not the threat you think you are? I've told him everything. We don't keep secrets from each other."

My smile was smug. Edward didn't seem phased at all.

"Did you tell him you left your window open half the night?"

Anger raged through me fuelled by pure, sickening humiliation. My cheeks burned red and I felt my tear ducts prickle. My eyes threatened to twitch with the building pressure. He knew? As if I wasn't embarrassed enough, he knew!? I screamed inside my head but kept as cool as I could on the outside. I wouldn't let him win this. One mistake shouldn't cost me everything.

"See, that's what I love about Jacob. He doesn't spy on me. He doesn't lie to me or trick me into things. Partly because he doesn't have to but mostly because he's a good man."

"Is that a fact?"

Seemingly nothing would break Edward's cocky resolve. I was this close to playing the card that at least Jacob could touch me - and did, often - without ripping my throat out, when speak of the devil, Jake appeared at my side.

The wolf lowered its head to nuzzle my neck. I glanced over at the clearing quickly emptying of bodies.

"Looks like we're done here," I said as we left Edward standing alone.

* * *

"Hey!" Embry was naked as the day he was born. Right in front of me.

"I'm sorry!" I blushed, wide-eyed. I almost tripped over my feet turning back around but now Jacob was human again... Heat coursed through me at the sight of him. It was rude to stare. Oh, gosh, so incredibly rude. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from his body. I'd never seen him naked before. Finally, we locked eyes. I saw the same desire that gnawed at the pit of my stomach reflected back at me. My skin tingled all over, feeling delightfully exposed, like I was as naked as he was.

"I was trying to give you some privacy."

Jake chuckled as he slipped into his jeans. "Yeah, no such thing in the pack."

"Used to be easier before Leah showed up," Embry called out from behind me in a lighthearted tone. Now dressed, he was quick to make his exit.

"A lot of things were easier," Jacob muttered, mostly to himself.

At that moment, Edward made his presence known. Jacob noticed him first and groaned. I hadn't heard him walk through the underbrush and instinctively folded my arms over my chest, still feeling exposed and unsure how much of that almost-private moment he'd witnessed.

"Can we help you?" Jacob asked in the most rhetorical tone I'd ever heard.

"I'm not sure I'm the one who needs help," Edward's dark eyes shifted between us. "I want Bella to be happy. As it stands, I'm not convinced what you two have will fulfill that purpose."

My jaw dropped at his presumptuousness and Jacob let out a bitter laugh.

"Somehow I don't think we'll be taking relationship advice from the bloodsucking virgin," Jake threw at him and I cringed. I shouldn't have told him that. I thought it would stay between us! But then, Edward probably thought the same when he confided in me.

Still, he had that unshakeable confidence from before. It made me nervous. Like he knew something we didn't. Like one of my own embarrassing secrets would soon be laid bare.

"I'm just showing concern for the woman I love."

My heart swelled at his words as if to spite me. Just when I needed it, when the pain would remind me to hate him, the hole in my chest was gone? What kind of backward logic was this?

"You don't love her, you're _obsessed_." Jake spat before taking a lighter tone. "And you know, I actually feel kind of sorry for you. Wanting someone you can't have, forever."

Edward caught my gaze and my heart stopped. Heat rippled through my body and gathered between my legs because I felt him not looking _at_ me but _into_ me. "At least I know I'll never want anyone else."

And then his eyes slid back to Jacob, and there was a poisonous second meaning to his words. I turned to Jake.

"What does he mean?"

Jacob was staring daggers at Edward. His nostrils flared and his mouth was a tight line. He trembled, but he was in control. "Nothing," he said through clenched teeth. "He means nothing."

I frowned, lost, and looked back and forth between them. Did they really think I wouldn't catch that there was something going on?

"Jake, tell me," I urged.

"Yes, Jacob," Edward chimed in. "Tell her."

"You," I threw him a pointed glare. "Stay out of this. Jake," I put both hands around his arm and might have tugged like a child begging for sweets. "Talk to me."

He didn't respond. After all the chaos of the past few weeks, we were finally starting to act like ourselves again. He couldn't do this now. He couldn't shut me out. _I'll never want anyone else_ , Edward had said. So, there was someone else? My heart sank and bile rose up my throat at the thought.

"Are you… cheating on me?"

"No!" Jacob protested and finally turned to me. My question seemed to snap him back to reality and some of his anger melted away as he looked at me. He was my Jake again. Thank God. Gently, he ran his hands through my hair. "No, of course not."

"What, then?" I was fast losing patience. I couldn't deal with being kept in the dark, especially with everything going on.

Still, he wouldn't answer. He tugged at my wrists and tried to guide me away from the vampire haunting us.

"Please, come on. Don't let him do this to us."

"He's not the one doing it."

"It's not important," he claimed but I could see it in his eyes as plainly as if it were words on a page. He was lying to me.

"No," I denied what I saw. " _No!_ You _can't_ lie to me or you're just like him."

It was a cheap shot because I knew he was still there and I hoped it hit. Jacob turned his face up to the clouds, let out a heavy sigh then bowed his head. It was a long, weighted silence before he spoke again.

"Sam imprinted on Emily," he spoke in monotone. "That's why he broke up with Leah."

Im-what? Wait. Why was he talking about Sam? How was that relevant? I thought back. Had Emily mentioned anything? I went over everything I'd learned since Leah joined the pack to try and get my head round what he was telling me. I came up blank.

"So, what? He just stopped loving her?"

"No, he still loves her…" Jake's voice was low voice, eyes fixed on the ground. "He just loves Emily more."

"Because he imprinted?" _Feel free to start making sense any time, Jake._ "What even is that?"

And then he gave me the worst possible answer:

"It's a wolf thing."

The penny, at last, dropped.

"You mean it could happen to you."

"Yeah," he was almost inaudible, defeated.

My breath caught in my throat as I tried to process what this meant for us. Heck, what it meant at all! I thought about Leah and Sam. Sam... He was already engaged to Emily by the time Jake first phased. Which meant he knew about this the whole time. For two months, we'd been sitting on this time bomb and he never thought to tell me? All the memories of our relationship started to change hue and I clutched the hair at my temples, wanting desperately to keep us the way we'd been in my head. I didn't know who to turn to. I looked back and forth between these two men who had their claws and fangs in my heart, fighting over it like a slab of carrion to devour. His eyes were on the ground like he was minding his own business but I knew Edward well enough to catch the hint of that smug grin.

"If anyone asks," my voice shook. "I'm not speaking to either of you."

With all the balance I could muster on the uneven soil, I marched away.


	11. Chapter 11

Virgin daiquiris met in mid-air with a _clink_. I'd never tried a daiquiri of any variety before and to be perfectly honest, I couldn't see why I'd paid $8 for a glass of slush. But the faces around me were glowing and happy and sitting here at this exact moment was priceless.

"So Taylor came over to my house with a pack of condoms his brother bought him from the drug store," Jessica declared.

Okay, maybe not priceless. But worth $8 at least.

"Like, they're still in the little bag. He was just carrying it round in plain sight and my parents were right there."

Angela and Jess were sitting to my right, Alice was on my left. Magic 8ight was a hybrid dance club/restaurant and one of the few places in Port Angeles that permitted entry to minors. It had been recently renovated and fired its resident DJ, and so was considered "cool again." Music I had heard briefly on the radio and quickly skipped over provided the background noise for our Girl Talk. I kept my straw in my mouth and observed.

"Bella?"

I snapped back to reality, not realizing I'd left in the first place. "Huh?"

"We were asking what major you're thinking of going for," Angela explained.

"Oh. Journalism."

Angela dropped her gaze with a sudden sadness clouding her expression. Jess pursed her lips in anticipation.

"What?"

Ang looked up and shook her head simultaneously. Ever ready to deflect attention from herself and her problems.

"It's nothing."

"Eric's going to Boston for journalism," Jess interjected.

The two exchanged heated looks while I sat here missing the point.

"Is that bad?"

Angela, still hesitant to take center stage, took control of the conversation. At least that way, Jessica couldn't do it.

"We planned on going to Berkeley together. Now he's changed his mind it's like, relationship terminated."

"That's not necessarily true," Alice chimed in.

My human companions jumped ever so slightly and I admit, even I was a touch startled. Vampires have a way of sitting so perfectly still and silent for so long, you can forget they're there. I shuddered. There was something sinister about that.

"Love transcends physical space; you don't need to be near each other to feel the connection. When I finally found Jasper, it was like I'd known him for years."

Neither Angela or Jess seemed sure how to respond.

"Okay... But you guys have only been together, what? Two years?"

I offered Alice a nervous side glance. I don't know why I was so nervous about exposure when Alice obviously knew better and it wasn't my secret to expose.

"It feels like longer," Alice said coolly. "And at the same time, it feels like just yesterday. All I mean to say is, if you and Eric are meant to be, this won't change that."

"Thanks," Angela sounds sincere. I don't know if she was.

A long, awkward pause followed then. I knew going in this might happen. In all the time I'd spent with the Cullens, I'd never really integrated my human friends. I had belonged to two distinct groups. Immortal and mortal. Locked in pertetual battle for survival with me, the chew toy, caught in the middle. It was growing exceedingly tiresome, being caught between two-

"So you guys are friends again?" Jessica filled the silence, pointing between me and Alice.

"Jess," Angela tried to restrain her.

"No, I'm just saying. It's great!" the thoughts of Jessica Stanley would not be contained. "You two used to be so close and then you came back and it was like nothing. I wasn't sure you guys even talked anymore."

"We just haven't had a chance to reconnect properly with everything that's been going on," Alice alluded. "Graduating and all that."

"Oh, totally!" Jess agreed and gestured to our table of drinks. "Like, I feel like we haven't done this in _years._ "

I mimicked her hand movements. "We've literally never done this."

Jess sighed. "You know what I mean. Girls' night."

I knew what she meant. Despite the certainty that all our topics for the evening would revolve around one drama or another, being here felt truly healthy. Maybe this was where I belonged, as a human. I wasn't built for endless chaos and imminent death. It wasn't my calling like the wolves or my design like the vampires. And to be perfectly honest, it was nice right now just being an ordinary girl. I felt a new wave of guilt for dismissing Angela and Jess so often. And I felt even worse for losing touch with Alice so much. Even if, by design, we were not of the same world and never could be.

"All I'm saying is, I think it's wonderful and super empowered that you two are hanging out again even after your whole weird phase with her brother. Sisters before misters," and with that, Jess raised her almost-empty glass for a toast.

Ang cringed a little while Alice's composure never cracked, and they both lifted their drinks. I would join the toast, I just... Weird phase? Is that what we're calling it now? I raised my glass to theirs and as we drank the last of our watery, overpriced fruit smoothies, I couldn't keep my mind off Edward.

I hated thinking that he knew about "imprinting" before I did. He must have sat through that whole dinner laughing at me in his head because he knew the clock was ticking on a relationship I thought was going somewhere.

I put down my empty glass and tried to focus on the conversation at hand. (It was something about Mike chasing after Lauren. Or vice versa.) It hurt too much to think about Jacob. The horrid irony was that I only now realized how much I'd grown into being with him. I'd started making plans on the foundation of him. Suddenly there were cracks, waiting to crumble, ready to bring down the house. What had he been waiting for? Would he have ever told me or would he have risked it for our whole lives? Until he met someone else? A sharp pain went through my chest and my blood began to boil. It hurt too much, pissed me off too much, to think about Jacob.

Alice excused herself then to go to the restroom, a perfectly timed action to make it look like she actually needed to use a restroom, ever. In her absence, Jessica was quick to jump in.

"What is her deal?"

"What do you mean?"

"That stuff about Jasper and true love. It's like, dude, calm down. You're a teenager. We all think it's true love."

"I don't know, I thought it was sweet. And maybe Eric and I could do long-distance."

"Oh, Ang. Please. You're gonna spend four years in different cities. You're gonna grow as people. It's better to just give yourself a clean break."

Angela tensed and seemed poised to stand her ground. It was good to see. I guess I really had lost touch with Ang, she was so much stronger and confident than when I'd first met her. And if being with Eric was part of what helped her find her strength, then I was all for them sticking it out.

"I'm not being a dick! I just don't want you setting yourself up to get hurt even worse later."

Speaking of hurt, I looked over to spot Leah Clearwater walking in at just that moment.

"I'll be right back," before I realized what I was doing, I was rising from my seat.

I walked straight up to Leah, pulse racing the whole way. I'd always been intimidated by her and wasn't exactly feeling safe right now, but something in me felt an affinity with Leah. A newfound respect that drove toward her to offer her what I could. I used to think Emily was my counterpart but now maybe Leah was the better comparison. The abandoned lover, the girl thrown into a world where she wasn't expected or wanted. By the time my feet reached her and she locked steely eyes with me, I felt almost like a kindred spirit. I probably shouldn't have talked myself into that so much.

"Hey, Leah," I greeted her cheerfully. She was stone cold. "Um... It's good seeing you. I'm just here with some friends, wonder, I, would you, I was gonna ask if you wanted to join us."

Well, that went smoothly.

Leah's stare pierced right into my brain like a lobotomy. Under her scrunity I could barely form a sentence. She didn't give away any feelings toward my offer. Until...

"You invited a bloodsucker to hang out with your human friends," she pointed out with an unconcealed hint of disgust. "No, thanks."

With that, Leah stormed off toward her own waiting group. I guess that was the best response I could've expected. But in a petty way, I felt kind of offended that she hadn't acknowledged the charity in my intention. Seeing her embrace her own friends, though, I realized maybe she had no need for my charity.

Defeated, I returned to our table. Alice was already back and sitting in my seat. She was leaned in excitedly. All three of them appeared engrossed in some fantastic plot.

"Bella!" Jess called when she noticed my approach. She was grinning from ear to ear.

"I've missed something," I deduced.

"We're having a graduation party at Alice's house," Jess revealed.

Fighting to keep composure, I shifted my gaze to Alice who was already looking at me pointedly.

"It's gonna be amazing. You're gonna come, right?"

By an infinitesimal inch, Alice's eyebrow raised. I swear it. I absolutely, without question, beyond any shadow of a doubt, did not want to go to a party at the Cullen house. Not with Edward there. Not ever. But I couldn't exactly say no with Ang and Jess sitting right there practically trembling with glee. Not after that whole speech about me moving past my "weird phase." And of course, Alice knew that. She knew exactly what she was doing.

"Sure. Sounds great."

The pair were almost bouncing in their seats. Why this excited them so much, I couldn't say. Maybe the reality of graduation was finally sinking in. We really might - probably wouldn't - never see each other again. Alice and I didn't break our stare.

"Okay, I'm gonna need a new outfit."

"There's this really cute vintage outlet that just opened down the road from here. We could come back on Saturday."

"Bella, we're going shopping. Deal with it."

Just great.

* * *

I got home later than expected and Charlie was halfway to a panic attack when I finally walked through the door. I was pretty sure he'd opted to work from home tonight so he could be here to make sure I got home safe. I saw the bags under his eyes and felt awful. I didn't want to add to the stress he was already under.

I jumped into talking about what a good night we had because I knew the distraction was good for him. Having had more than a few brushes with death, I was really growing to appreciate idle chatter and gossip. It had its uses.

It wasn't long before we both went to bed. In my room, I got changed and ready to settle in for the night. Then I heard it.

Tapping at the window.


	12. Chapter 12

I walked over to the window, not knowing or really caring who was out there. Somehow I knew if it was Victoria, I wouldn't die. Not right away, at least. _She plans to kill you slowly_ , Laurent had said. And you know what? She'd probably drag me back to the dance studio in Phoenix where James died, just to make it extra poetic. So it was with a fair amount of confidence that I opened the window, stuck my head through... and saw Jacob standing on the grass below.

"Bella," he said. "Can I come up?"

With a scowl, I turned away. But I didn't slam it shut. I took three steps toward my bed and by the time I turned around, he was in the room. The scowl endured and I crossed my arms. I didn't say a word to him.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Jake began in a hushed voice so as not to alert Charlie to his presence. "I should have told you. I wanted to but -"

"Lemme guess, alpha's orders?" I cut him off. It was the same weak excuse every time.

"No. I just didn't know how you'd react."

I scoffed and took a seat on the bed, arms still tightly wrapped around myself to keep from shaking. With rage, maybe... Or sobbing. I'd felt on the brink of sobbing ever since that moment in the forest. And if I'd done this well not to break down so far, I sure as heck wasn't going to cave now.

"Well, I think I would've reacted a lot better two months ago."

"Really? Because I wouldn't have even considered telling you back then."

I gaped at him. Did he seriously just say that to me?

"If this never got serious, we'd never need to talk about it."

I turned my face away, unable to look at him. Was he even the same Jacob right now? I couldn't believe he was talking like this.

"So... What? I..Wha..This, this was supposed to be a _fling?_ " I spluttered, perhaps a little too loudly. Hopefully, Charlie would assume I was on the phone. "Is that meant to make me feel better?"

"That's what I thought I was to you," he spoke plainly and without malice. "C'mon, Bells. You wouldn't even kiss me till he came back."

A new wave of shame washed over me and I dropped my gaze to my feet. All my anger dissolved for a moment and self-pity replaced it. I was guilty; we both knew it. But I would always be too weak to admit it. It seemed the longer I was with Jake, the worse I felt about the way it started. My eyes stayed fixed on the floor.

"You're more than that now," I confessed in a small voice.

Jacob came over and took a seat next to me.

"I don't blame you for still feeling something for him," he sounded sincere. "I saw how deep he got in your head. I was there."

Another stab of guilt. He was right, of course. He'd been the only friend I had left when I needed them most. And what had I done to thank him?

"Yeah, the bikes. I know."

"No, before that."

I frowned and looked up at him. Before Edward had left, Jacob had been practically non-existent. That whole summer I spent at the Cullens' house, listening to Alice and Edward's stories about life in the 60's, at Woodstock, the fall of the Berlin Wall, what it was like hearing Martin Luther King Jr speak _from the crowd._ I would get home to Charlie's leftover fish fry and a message from Angela inviting me to hang out with everyone at the diner and I would think, _thank god there's more to life than this._

It seemed incredibly pretentious now.

"The first few weeks after he left," Jake brought me back to the present. "We all came over to your house pretty often. Well, more like every day."

I could feel my jaw drop gradually as he continued to tell me that he, Angela, Mike, Eric and Jessica would routinely come over after school to try and get through to me. Tyler borrowed his dad's van (the one he hadn't been allowed to drive for so long after our almost-accident) to take us all to Port Angeles to see the Christmas lights. I didn't even get out of my seat, apparently.

"That Jessica girl read gossip magazines at you," he laughed. "I think she was trying to annoy you into responding."

"I don't remember any of that," I spoke in complete disbelief. How had it never come up?

"I know you don't," he lowered his eyes to the floor. "When you looked at us you looked straight through us. It was freaky."

This was unbelievable. I knew I'd been a "zombie" but for my mind to black out so much? No wonder Jess had been so impatient with me by the time we went to that movie. I felt awful for judging her so harshly. She wasn't the one who'd been a bad friend.

"Anyway, after a while we sort of… I don't wanna say "gave up," it was more…" Jacob racked his brain for the right words. "Maybe what you needed was some space. And we'd already tried everything else."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, sending it out to my friends as well as him.

Jacob put his hand on top of mine. It was scorching and twice the size of mine and I loved - wholeheartedly and painlessly - how safe it made me feel. We peered into each other's eyes for a long, quiet minute. We were Jake and Bells again. Not enemies.

"So yeah, I get it if you needed a distraction when he came back," he said with a shrug. "It's not like I didn't enjoy it!"

He spoke with an easy laugh that got a smile out of me.

"But I promised myself a long time ago that if I ever got the chance to be with you - I mean, for real, be with you - I wouldn't screw it up the way he did. And I sure as hell wouldn't hurt you like that."

 _You might not have a choice,_ I thought. And my face must have betrayed my thoughts.

"This imprinting thing. I get it if it's too much. I really do. Some mornings I wake up and for a minute, I don't remember what I am. I think I'm still that regular kid."

And then his voice grew hushed and heavy. "And then I remember and I want to _scream_... So, yeah. If this is too much for you, _believe me_ , I get it. But I think we've got something now that could be really amazing. I don't think we should throw it away.

"Like, okay. I might wake up one morning and tell you I met someone else but was that impossible before? Your mom left your dad. My mom died. Shit happens, Bells. I'm not gonna live my life in fear of it.

"If you can't accept it, that's okay. Really. I just don't think we should give up what we have over something that might never happen. You start doing that and it's like you're not living at all."

Not living at all. Like sitting at lunch and not eating. Like repeating high school over and over again. Having incredible stories and nothing to plan for. Playing it safe. Existing.

"But doesn't it make you doubt everything?" my heart began to pour for him. "There's this one perfect person out there for you and... apparently, it's not me."

"I don't believe that," Jake countered with renewed confidence. "Bella, we're not even sure what imprinting _is_. Where it comes from, why it happens. And it's extremely rare. The only living example we have to go on is Sam and believe me, it doesn't scream Happily Ever After."

I frowned again. "I gotta admit, imprinting, I... I don't get it?"

Sam and Emily were such a perfect couple.

"Okay, lemme tell you something," Jacob shifted and climbed onto the bed, laying his head down on the pillow. He motioned for me to join him. "And you can't go blabbing this around. Seriously. You're a terrible a secret-keeper."

I gawked. "Since when!?"

"Since always. Come here," he grabbed me and pulled me down into his arms. We maneuvered back and forth against each other until we got comfy.

"Leah's not the one who makes everything uncomfortable in the pack. It's Sam," Jake admitted with a sigh. "All he can think about when we're supposed to be out patrolling is her. Keeping her safe, how much it hurts to be this close to her again when he spent so much time telling himself he didn't want her anymore. But then we go home and none of it matters because what the imprint did was make Emily the center of his world. He can't function without her.

"And don't get me wrong, they're a great couple but if they were such a great couple, why'd they need magic to steal his free will?" Jacob looked at me like I'd have the answer. "If it was true love, wouldn't he have chosen her on his own?"

I stayed quiet because honestly, what could you say to that?

"That's why I don't want any part of it. It was bad enough getting dragged into this whole wolf gig, I don't need..." his eyes darkened then as he glared up at the ceiling. He seemed to be looking out over a great distance, somewhere I could never follow. His voice was sure and steady when he came back. "If it happened to me, I'd fight it."

I almost laughed and thank goodness I didn't. I don't think he would've appreciated it. But thinking about how good Sam and Emily were together... It might not have been a choice, but it was pretty clear: they were destined for each other and they were happy. "Why bother?"

Jake clearly didn't see it that way. "Because what's wrong with falling in love the normal way, Bella? I don't know about you but I wouldn't want someone who stays just because they literally can't leave. That's not love."

I pondered what he said for a moment. Did I have a choice when it came to Edward? I hated that my mind rushed straight to him at this moment. But I had to know, at some point his hold over me would let up, right? I mean, it seemed I could push him away. Reject him. Was that the same? Was that freedom?

And with Jacob... This was a love I'd chosen for myself. Shouldn't that count for _more?_ And yet somehow, it would always be in the shadow of more powerful things. Wolves and vampires and imprints. Anger coursed through me again. It wasn't fair. It wasn't bearable. My blood began to boil...

"Bella," Jacob brought me out of my trance. "I love you."

My heart skipped and my breath caught in my throat. This was the first time he'd ever said that to me.

"I don't need some supernatural LoJack to find my soulmate. I already found you."

Before I could stumble over my words, if I could even think any words, he tugged on my chin lightly and kissed me. My lips responded instinctively. Feelings I didn't have names for poured out through this one place our bodies touched. We were truly connected through it. And then he pulled back.

"Besides, I might be dead in a couple weeks so if I imprint, it's a non-issue."

I struck his arm gently, as if I could hurt him if I tried.

"Don't freak me out."

Girlishly, I giggled. And he pulled me tighter against him. My hands wound their way around his colossal arms and held on for dear life. I buried my face in his chest.

I thought it. And I meant it. I just wasn't ready to say it out loud yet.

 _I love you, too._


End file.
